From: [email-masked] (Subbarao Kambhampati)
Date: Sat, 29 Jun 91 17:43:31 PDT

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Path: leland.Stanford.EDU!stanford.edu!agate!ucbvax!cis.ohio-state.edu!sample.eng.ohio-state.edu!purdue!mentor.cc.purdue.edu!noose.ecn.purdue.edu!en.ecn.purdue.edu!surge
>From: [email-masked] (PhD-in-Training)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.indian,soc.culture.bangladesh
Subject: Re: marrying in the old country [Important Consumer advice included]
Keywords: marriage
Message-ID: <[email-masked]>
Date: 29 Jun 91 23:32:36 GMT
Followup-To: poster
Organization: Purdue University Engineering Computer Network
Lines: 59

Dear Netters,

After Subburao (and others) have dragged my name through the mud, I feel the
need to set the record straight.  Here is my original post:

>I am a bengali who has grown up in the US and I am thinking of
>marrying a girl from India (arranged) and bringing her here.  Is
>there anyone who has done this?  The man should have either grown
>up in the States or lived over 10 years here.  I am concerned
>about adjustment, etc.

In case this is not clear, I was asking about advice on how I can
make it easier for a newly arrived wife to make the social and
societial changes to the US.  Notice, I did not mention anything
about coercion, or kidnapping.

It seems that several of you out there decided to extrapolate my
mention of an arranged marriage into passing judgement on my
personal character.  Now, if some of you are strongly against
arranged marriages why did you not speak up and discuss that
_issue_?

Because of my mention of an arranged marriage, Subburao decided in his
mind that I must be a really big male chauvenist (perhaps even a
polyogamist <--sarcasm).  He is, of course entitled to his opinion.
However, instead of defending his (supposed) stance against arranged
marriages, he decided to make himself judge, jury and executioner and
castigate me publicly on the net for my personal character.  Subburao,
where you get the right to make such a judgement and insult me (however
cleverly wrapped in sarcasm it may have been)?

Surprise, but I think women are human beings.  Guess what, I genuinely
want my wife to be happy, that is why I was asking advice for those that
might be experienced in this special circumstances.  If I was interested
in "importing a piece of baggage" who I have really cared?  I know that
it is a tough adjustment to make and I would like to know if there is
any way I can help her.  I am trying to be as prepared as I can to meet
the special needs that she will have (being new here) so that my
marriage will be strong, satisfying and happy one for the *both* of
us.  Keep in mind, that I would also be part of this arranged
marriage (I have as much at stake as her since I will not divorce).

	       I AM **NOT** LOOKING FOR A LIVE-IN MAID

EXCUSE ME for wanting to marry an Indian Bengali who can still speak the
language, likes the food, feels strongly about family, thinks marriage is
a lifelong commitment and not for temporary convenience, etc (like me).
EXCUSE ME if I would like to marry someone with a tie in the country I
was born in.  Perhaps Subburao, you are surrounded by eligible women
like this in the Bay Area that you can date, but that is not my case
here in Indiana.  Perhaps, some were a little too caught up in the
"Women in the US..." thread.  I am not involved in that.

If anyone wants to file criticism against something I have *said*, go ahead.
But please keep the accusations based on your stereotypical attitudes
to yourself.

--Surajit